When we were children we thought we were invincible. We climbed and jumped from trees and swings, played in dirt without fear of disease, and ate as much candy as our allowances could afford without regard to our health. As we got older, we became guarded. We learned that jumping from trees and swings could break arms and legs, that mud causes ring worms on occasion, and too much candy could give us cavities or worse diabetes. When we were children we didn’t think as much about what other people had in comparison to ourselves whether it was looks, money, or a cute girlfriend or boyfriend. Then adolescence forced itself into our lives and we became more self-conscious. We realized that we may not have been as rich as we thought, or as beautiful as we thought, and for whatever reason we could not get the cute guy or girl that we wanted. Somehow we allowed the thoughts of those around us to consume us. We could be the most popular person in our social circles, yet we had doubts about our self-worth. Some of us stopped doing the things we loved as children, arts and crafts, sports, advocacy, church, and dancing because we doubted our ability or thought it was no longer cool. We allowed others to dictate our thoughts about ourselves.
When did our lives become hostage to how others felt about us? Some of you don’t even remember when you began to feel like this. Was it when acne made you ashamed of your face, when you gained weight or never gained weight, was it when you were bullied, raped, or abused? Something happened. Something triggered the low self-worth. Something transformed you from the happy-go-lucky kid you once were into the person you are today.
Whatever it was you have to transform yourself back. Some of you put a band-aid on it by trying to prove your self-worth in school, the workplace, or place of faith. You become a superwoman/man saving the day for everyone else except yourself hoping to one day prove that you are worthy. You allow others to control your time and destiny. Others play the victim and blame others for their pot in life. While others become extremely introverted and filled with dark thoughts. No matter what type of person you are you must know that you are beautiful, handsome, inspiring, courageous, bold, caring, and loving.
Low Self-Esteem is where all beautiful dreams die. In order to be as successful as your dreams you MUST love yourself. Loving yourself means that you will only accept the best for yourself and only allow positive, encouraging people into your life. You also have to encourage yourself and make time for self-development. Pick back up the things you used to love to do as a child. Loving who you are raises your standards in life. You will choose the best university or college for yourself, the job that will make you happy and feel as though you are contributing to the organization, you will only date and surround yourself with people who uplift you, and will respect your body.
Once you begin to view yourself differently, the doors of opportunity will open. You will no longer settle or allow others to take advantage of who you are. Become captain of your ship and love yourself. Take back control of your life from others. LOVE WHO YOU ARE! If you don’t how can you expect someone else to love you and how do you expect to love someone else? As I’ve said before, you are an original and placed on this Earth for a reason. Free yourself to be all that you can be by loving who you are and not what someone else wants you to be or have tried to make you become. You were born to be an Eagle and not hawk, SOAR!
I Love Who You Are!
- Victoria Diane Kirby
P.S- Check out this video on the same topic. It’s called “I Am Significant” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqvGZ03wkrs Let me know what you think
When you wake up, do you feel alive? Do you feel excited about your day and the possibilities and opportunities that await? Or is morning a dreadful experience for you? Do you sometimes wake up wishing that God didn’t wake you up? Do you ever ask the question why you are here?
I am not seeking to be morbid today, but I want to acknowledge a growing crisis in our country: the living dead. Some people call it depression, others say you are behind spiritually, some say they are in a slow spell. The label does not matter. What matters is that we address the issue.
For the last year I was a member of the living dead. I walked, talked, and acted as though I was functioning on a normal level, but inside I was dying. It took me hours to wake up in the morning, to start my day, to be productive. For someone who has always been a self-starter, ambitious, extra energetic and motivated, this feeling was devastating. I didn’t know what it was, but I felt dead. I didn’t feel like the woman I used to be. I had to do a life check.
I asked myself, “am I living?” The answer was no. I didn’t have a purpose. I was living for others and allowing them to guide my days, rather than my inner being or my God. I lost my peace. I had to take back control of my life and find something that gave me life. In order to do that, I had to remember what used to give me purpose before I overworked, overstressed, and ran over myself.
Our spirit needs to be nourished. Find a hobby, an activity, an organization, an initiative that gives meaning to your life. That helps you to wake up every morning. Talk to your friends, you would be surprised how many of them are also a part of the living dead. This may be a byproduct of a generation taught that they had to be well-rounded and involved in everything to be successful.
In order to get your heartbeat back, you have to love yourself. Forget about the expectations of others and set your own expectations for your life. You have to take your life back from others and live for yourself.
Are you living?
Someone recently told me that “leadership is a process not a position.” The more I thought about it, the more I realized how much truth this statement holds. No one wakes up a leader. Leadership is filled with trials and tribulations, triumphs and successes. A true leader has learned to be upfront about their mistakes as well as the lessons that they have learned from their mistakes. Some people have learned to be “leaders” only when it is convenient; when others are watching or in order to be liked. However, the true test of an effective leader is someone who makes tough and sometimes unpopular decisions for the good of their constituency, while inspiring trust among them. True leadership takes courage. You will always have critics. Your goal should not be in proving them wrong because to them you will never be right (that’s why they’re your critics). Your goal should be in living up to your word and making life the best it can be for the people you serve. You don’t have to follow the path of others, you can be yourself and create a new path. Learn to be comfortable with your own instincts, but also how to listen to others. Sometimes true leadership is marked by the courage to admit when you are wrong and make adjustments accordingly. It is also marked by the courage to be daring, bold, and to stand for what is right. Jesus Christ was courageous, daring, bold, and stood for the recognition of human dignity in every person. Whether you believe he is Lord or not, He is an excellent example of a leader. Even in His tribulations, He stood for what He believed to be right. When faced with your own trials, will you have the courage to lead?
The Dean of the Andrew Rankin Memorial Chapel at Howard University often uses the quote “Don’t Seek to be Great, Seek to Serve. If you seek to serve, you will bump into greatness along the way.”
Over the past few years I have learned how truthful this statement is. When you think of all of the great leaders that have brought on the most significant changes to society; there is one thing they all have in common, a genuine heart for service. They did not seek to serve themselves and utilize their notoriety for fame and fortune. They were concerned with influence and how they could utilize their influence, not to gain power, but to make a difference in the world. It was their hunger for a better world that made them so great. They looked at the world and at America for what they had the potential to become and set out to make their vision and dream a reality.
Don’t make your goals materialistic. As we have all seen with the global recession, the nice cars, large paychecks, huge houses, and fine jewelry are not sustainable. The bankers who made money off of selling an imaginary product to the world are responsible for the loss of jobs for millions of Americans and many others from across the globe. In their selfishness and want for material objects, they have become some of the most despised people on the planet. They have ruined the lives of many to the point that they cannot provide for their children.
On the other hand there is a grassroots movement of young people who are leading movements in their communities to change their realities. They are serving the poor and providing job training, they are teaching the local kids where the school system has left off, they are writing to their politicians to make a difference, and they are reaching out to senior citizens to make life more comfortable in their later years. These youth are change agents, powerful forces of energy that as a generation will change America and the world. We are the generation of greatness. Our greatness will come from our service to community. We are building a future that will sustain our nation from the poorest to the richest.
Ask yourself, what end of the spectrum do you want to find yourself? Are you at the end of greatness or at the end of indifference? If you chose the end of greatness, ask yourself, how do I want to give back? Determine your passion, your skills, and your opportunities to decide where you will be the most impactful and where you will be the most fulfilled. If you work in corporate America or in a major firm, a trade, etc, how will you include service in your life? What type of initiatives will you bring to the table? Service is not something you do on the weekend it is a lifestyle. Are you willing to live it?
Quote of the Day
~ Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.~
The “Quote of the Day” is a message that has stuck with me from the very first moment that I heard it. It is truly profound because for many of us we do not even realize that we have subconsciously “dumbed down” ourselves for the sake of others. Thus, I have chosen to ask the question…..”When was the day that you began to play small?” Feel free to leave your answer in the comments section for this post. I shall begin to answer the question myself and in the midst of it I hope that you are able to gleam wisdom from my mistake.
I began to play small when I was thirteen years old. I was the type of person growing up who had a lot of friends, not because I was popular, but because people trusted me with their problems. I was everyone’s best friend and the daughter that many parents wished that they had. I was the quintessential “church girl” who helped out at church and had read the bible nearly twice over. This became an issue for one of my friends who I respected dearly.
It was the third week of the eighth grade and my friend Hillary informed me that she no longer wanted to be my friend. She told me that I was too “righteous” for her. This was the first time in my life where I forced myself to be introspective and tried to understand her point of view. I was scared to lose anymore friends because of this “self-righteousness” so I read the bible less and talked about God less and began a new habit that has taken me nearly decade to eradicate.
I became overly self-critical, hiding every little thing about me that I thought people would not like or understand. I became afraid to be excellent. If I excelled at something too much then people would call me stuck up I feared. From my younger years until now I was the model of an ugly duckling becoming a swan. I did not want to go back to being the ugly duckling that everyone picked on again, so I stayed a course below excellence that was still over mediocrity. I became like a bird with clipped wings that has forgotten how to fly. I second guessed every move I made afraid that if I did too well I would be placed in an unforgiving limelight that would not understand if I failed.
I was afraid of success, yet I was afraid of failure. I played small with hopes that no one would see the light that God has blessed my life with. I ran from my divine purpose in hopes of not failing in my calling. The truth of the matter is; however, that I am not the first to feel this way and I will probably not be the last.
Many of us are afraid to succeed, afraid of excellence, afraid of greatness. We become to afraid to take a risk. We forgot that life is a risk and that we will never become fulfilled until we allow our wings to grow back, until we allow ourselves to be confident, until we fly and be all that God has made us to be. Each of us has a purpose in life. The problem is that many of us were told at a young age that we could never fulfill that purpose. Some of our teachers, our parents, our friends; and the worst, ourselves, have told us that we will never be fruitful in our calling because we are not “good enough.” They forget that Michael Jordan was at first, not “good enough,” that Moses, the leader of the Israelites and Harriet Tubman (often called Moses) were not “good enough.” It is only when we allow ourselves to be free to fail that we can soar. It takes baby birds many failed attempts before they can soar in the sky with their mothers.
There is something in the inside of us that pulls us up when we feel defeated. Some call It God, others call it perseverance. Whatever you call it cling to it as you strive to play towards excellence. It is only through your example that others can see that it is okay to be excellent.
I have since learned that that was what my former friend Hillary did not like. It was not that I was too “righteous,” but that my early liberation of my inner excellence was freeing too many of our peers to be excellent and she was still too afraid to fly. She was afraid to be left by herself on the ground as everyone around her began to soar to places that she could never dream were possible to fly.
Don’t be left standing on the ground waiting for the magical moment where you will be freed. Liberation comes from the inside. Liberate the excellence that is within you. Don’t be afraid…the others will quickly begin to do the same!
So many people have become caught up in the era of “celebrity.” People have decided to get their breasts shaped like stars, have their face constructed like stars, and some have even had silicone injected into their lips, all to become copies of someone who they view as beautiful. I wish someone had told them of their own worth. I wish someone had told them that they were born into this world not to be a copy of anyone, but to be the best ORIGINAL version of themselves that they could possibly be.
Originals are priceless. Celebrities and people with money spend millions of dollars on items that are originals. They do not want anything that someone else can own. They want to be able to say that they are the only people on the planet that have a house that is crafted like theirs, on the red carpet they want to be able to say that they are the only ones who have the dress that they are wearing. No one pays millions of dollars for copies of famous artwork, they want something one of a kind.
In the same manner, we should strive to be priceless. We should desire to be one of a kind. We should aim for excellence. We should be our OWN examples of what ORIGINALITY is all about. No one can be a better you than you!!!!!!! Stop trying to look like Jada, Angelina, Shakira, Britney, or Beyonce. I can be no better than myself. No one can be a better Victoria Kirby than me. I am PRICELESS, and so are YOU!!!
If you are looking for someone to nourish your spirit and your soul…..You have come to the right place.
If you are looking for someone to speak to your experiences and challenge you to be a better person…..You have come to the right place.
If you are looking for a notable speaker, for an inexpensive price…..You have come to the right place.
Ms. Victoria Diane Kirby Speaks 2 Serve your heart, your mind, your soul, and your spirit…..are you ready?